Category Archives: google

Kanye West Is An

Couldn’t have said it better myself google. Tonight at MTV’s VMA’s (who gives a shit, I know) Kanye so graciously grabbed the mic from Best Female Video Award winner, 19 year old Taylor Swift, in support of Beyonce’s video Single Ladies.

He then proceeded to shoot off at the mouth like a child demanding his say. When did it become okay for a grown ass man to have a tantrum?  Not up on this celebrity gossip shit, but I’ll leave you with this. Am I the only one who thinks beaver whenever Kanye’s on tv? He has brace face. You know, the puckering, protruding lips of someone who is trying to hide their dental gear by forcing their lips down over it.


Oh, The People You Will Meet…On Twitter

I’ve began to realize that the majority of people adding me on Twitter, well, aren’t people at all. They are Bots. Whether they be controlled by big marketing companies, or individuals looking to spread a message, Twitter has been flooded by them. Here are some of examples of the ones who have added me:

There’s The Niche Marketing Bot

Sure, the Muslim Community may be fast-growing but what does that have to do with me? I’m going to assume they’re not ready for my brand of pulpy sarcasm (assholishness) but then again I’m a believer in the philosophy that everyone and everything will eventually degrade into a porny, mud covered,  Dystopia of an orgy,  so maybe I’ll just hang in there (there might be a book deal in it for me.) The truth of the matter is everyone has the right to Viral Marketing via Social Media websites. Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and sites alike have been so flooded by marketing companies it’s hard to remember what purpose they really serve. I think at one time or another they were used for Casual Encounters (m4m, w4w. That kinda stuff.)

There’s The Public Service Announcement Bot

I imagine there are Public Service Announcement twitters out there that are helpful, sure. Like a local weather twitter, or something. Then there’s this little gem. The two purposes SwineFluPanic serves are reporting new cases of swine flu and making me shit my pants and never want to leave my apartment. The cool thing about hypochondriacs is we’re all about a self-sustained lifestyle. Since noone else will validate our over-catious paranoia, we do it for eachother. And SwineFluPanic is just another great example of the “for hypochondriacs by hypochondriacs” mentality.

There’s The Porn Bot

As if you didn’t see this coming. The internet is so flooded with porn you can’t do an image search on  google  for a girls name without getting back a page full of tits and ass in your search results. Well, that’s with the safe-mode turned off. And chances are if  safe-mode is turned off you’re probably looking for porn. So yeah, Porn has wiggled its way onto the Twitter scene and hey, I don’t see what’s inappropriate about that. Of course, that is only considering the fact that most advertising is shoved down your throat, so there really is no reason to stop porn from doing the same thing. And the best part about porn is you usually get to watch someone get something shoved down their throat, too!

This last example remains a total enigma to me. For one, let me just say it is not a bot, or at least I would like to believe so.
The Lone Wolf

In a world where every company has a marketing agent, The Lone Wolf stands alone. Perhaps James Kerendian payed someone locally (Jamaica, NYC) to help him get the word out. Build him a website(btw check out the babe laid out on the mattress at the bottom) but I’d like to believe the lone wolf stayed up late one night, hopped up on Five-Hour Energy Drinks, frantically trying to think of a way to raise his sinking ship of a furniture business…when suddenly he had the bright idea to market himself on the great wide interwebs! No age or culture barrier could hold the Lone Wolf back from getting a twitter (and perhaps even a facebook!) and once and for all he would prevail over all furniture stores in Jamaica, Queens… Perhaps even all furniture stores in Queens!! This is the kind of thing I signed up on Twitter for. Real people. Tonight, I raise my glass to you, local furniture store guy.

Irrational Fears? The Internet is Not Your Friend

So I was doing some random googling today, as I often do, when I find myself at the end of my porn rope (harhar) and I found myself looking through an encyclopia of phobias. It was more of a list then anything actually, so in the spirit of google I started looking up some of the phobias that I thought were interesting (hilariously debilitating.) One website was dedicated to those who are afraid of hair, another for people who are afraid of air pockets (AWESOME!) I noticed that neither of these websites actually addressed the phobia, or any of its symptoms.

Taking a closer look I began to notice a pattern. None of the websites directly addressed the phobias\. They usually spoke in generalities. Most of these pages said things like “Is your irrational fear causing you distress?” or “Are you tired of pricey therapy that hasn’t CURED you?” I began clicking some of the links on these pages and there it was. What all of them had in common.



They linked to a websites advertising psycho-therapy alternatives, such as time-line therapy, neuro-linguistic programming, and the best of the bunch “energy therapy.” I’m not a psychologist. I’m not even that well educated to be honest, but I’m pretty sure this is a fuckin scam. Back to googling porn. I’m sure it’s cheaper than some of the crud those sites are peddling.

ooo, ashhcroft

Isn’t it great that someone out there decided to build a series of webpages that would prey on hypocondriacs and the mentally ill alike? That they set them up cookie cutter style so that some poor worried doll sitting at her computer, worried that the sky is falling, might stumble apon their website and fork over dough for their energy therapy? Maybe we should be afraid of the http://www.  oh the world we live in… HAPPY GOOGLING ; )