Category Archives: fairy tales

Celebrity Island Completes Staff Roster with Newly Acquired DJ AM

With the alleged death of DJ AM friday, celebrity island is said to have completed hiring their live in staff, and will be accepting residency applicants on a more regular basis this coming fall. We had a chance to sit down with some of the locals and talk about the future of one of Hollywoods best kept secrets.

“It’s a big project” one of Celebrity Islands longest residing members, and head of Performance Bookings said this morning, in an exclusive NYCIYA interview “but we all knew it would be an ambitious one from the start.” His co-director interjected; ” Yeah, for real. When we heard about this we did what we had to do as quickly as possible to get out here.Tupac and Biggie exchanged knowning glances of friendship, and fraternal love, right before bursting out in teary eyed laughter. Tupac continued “You know, we’re happy to have DJ AM coming out here.When Michael Jackson decided it was his in his best interest to make that big move out there, we knew a lot of younger guys and girls, still in their prime would start flooding the gates. A lot of pressure is put on celebrities. You know they wanted MJ to do 50 shows for 200 million dollars? That’s only 4 million a show!”  NYCIYA was not allowed an interview with MJ but his officials released this statement to the press: “Mr.Jackson isn’t yet ready to be in the public eye. To answer some of your more pressing questions: The disappearance of local village boys is not related to his arrival, regardless of what the numbers are saying, the spike of missing children reports are completely unrelated. Remember people, he was acquitted.”

NYCIYA spent a few hours with the head of promotion and marketing for Celebrity Island for a more in dept look into C.I.:

“Hi, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR CELEBRITY ISLAND” said Billy Mays, Celebrity Islands newest addition to the marketing team. “And I’m here to tell you about an amazing refuge, located in a secluded island in the tropics! Celebrities are welcome to this tropical island to spend the rest of their lives rubbing shoulders with some of the worlds allstars, performing for the well known and well to do. We have Bruce Lee teaching martial arts, Les Paul teaching guitar, We’ve got Farah Fawcett and David Carradine, Walter Concrite, and Ed McMahon and many many many more!”

We spoke briefly to DJ AM on the phone this morning and he had this to say; “I’m glad to be here. I’m just getting settled in and I’m looking forward to my stay.” DJ AM let out a brief, but telling sigh, then continued “You know, to be honest. I thought this place was just a dream, like the whole thing was brought on by a drug induced coma, and now I’m just going to fade into black. huh, weird.”


the boy and the rotting tooth

I think my dentist was upset when I snapped this picture with my phone. I even felt a little bad taking it. It's a funny position to be in; feeling bad about taking a picture of a picture of a part of your own body.

There was once a boy who’s third molar began to rot in his mouth. He was at a peculiar age where his body was beginning to change; producing cruel smells and stretching all over, so he didn’t pay it any mind when his jaw began to ache. Years passed, and he realized the ache on the right side of his jaw was special, and not like the growing pains he had suffered in his adolescence. He went to the dentist and to his surprise the tooth had just about rotted out of his mouth!

One root canal, and three years later, the poor boy’s jaw began to ache again.
He didn’t understand the pain. His tooth had been plucked of all it’s nerves, and filled with plaster. The only thing remaining inside; a tiny screw, reenforcing the walls of the tooth.It was unfair enough that he had to suffer such a mature dental procedure at an early age, but now it seemed the root canal hadn’t worked!
His dentist explained that the pain he was feeling was an infection that had formed above his third molar. After reviewing the boys record he noticed a trend in his xrays. The anatomy of the his gums was just no good! Together they realized the root canal was probably unavoidable, as any further dental work on that particular side of his mouth would be.

“phew” said the boy. 

of course, this was all to my relief. I really thought I was this dirty mofo who had smoked the teeth out of my mouth or even had gum disease. I feel much better now. Of course I am having my gums sliced open next week so that my dentist can scrape out the infection.

I’m a real scumbag. I did get the iron gym though. I’m gunna have a sixpack this summer.




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