The Three People You Will Encounter In Community College

This year I was lucky enough to be invited back to the Borough of Manhattan Community College. Now that the first week of class has passed I want to take a moment to tell you about the three types of people that you will encounter in Community College, if you are lucky enough to get the opportunity.

First, there are the Under Achievers. This group consists mainly of 20 somethings, fresh from their post year high school sabbatical.  The Under Achievers don’t really know what they’re doing with their life and luckily don’t really care to find out. They’d rather be at home playing xbox and jerking off (not a far cry from what I do in my spare time.) They never really considered the whole “four year thing” after high school but ended up in Community College because otherwise “yo my moms said she was gunna turn off my phone if I don’t go to school, and I was like naww.” The Under Achievers don’t give a shit about class, and chances are they’ll forget to register for class next semester, BUT IT’S OKAY! Anyday now their silkscreening company/rap career is totally going to blow up and they’ll be rollin’ in that new money.

Then there are the Over Achievers. Oddly enough, they are a similar breed to that of the Under Achievers. Neither did very well in high school, nor cared to take their SAT’s. What sets an Over Achiever apart however, is his/her bloated sense of self importance. By filling out the application, and paying the 35 dollar registration they are now of a higher echelon. A realm in which only the most elite minds are privy to exist, they are a well oiled gear in the think tank that is Community College. They will fight to sit in the front row, and raise their hand before they have a question to ask. Congratulations mutha fuckers.

Finally, the last group you encounter in Community College are the Foreigners. They are former Doctors and Lawyers from around the world with degrees that don’t mean a thing in the States, and now they are taking business administration, or hotel management courses. So you went to med school graduating at the top of your class, then opened a small practice in Poland which you’ve operated for the last 12 years? Sorry Volodyslav, but you’re in America now baby, and soon you’ll be sitting in some stuffy office creating excel files listing popular cat and dog dry foods for a cat and dog food conglomerate. LAND OF THE FREE!

At this point, I should apologize for all my hating. In fact I possess some of the qualities of both the under achiever, and the over achiever. I’m even a bit of a foreigner, albeit in my own right. Truth be told I’m just a bitter old/young man who is judging a student body that I’m too snobby to get to know, and not interesting enough to interact with. I should mention that I have however met a few curious individuals, like the Greek Pop Star, and the Romanian Ping Pong Champion. Anyway, let’s make Fall 09 an interesting semester.

oh, I may have over-looked a group. There happen to be a ton of old people hanging around. Like, fucking everywhere. Too old to start a new career not old enough to retire.

Hey Grandpa! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!



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