Celebrity Island Completes Staff Roster with Newly Acquired DJ AM

With the alleged death of DJ AM friday, celebrity island is said to have completed hiring their live in staff, and will be accepting residency applicants on a more regular basis this coming fall. We had a chance to sit down with some of the locals and talk about the future of one of Hollywoods best kept secrets.

“It’s a big project” one of Celebrity Islands longest residing members, and head of Performance Bookings said this morning, in an exclusive NYCIYA interview “but we all knew it would be an ambitious one from the start.” His co-director interjected; ” Yeah, for real. When we heard about this we did what we had to do as quickly as possible to get out here.Tupac and Biggie exchanged knowning glances of friendship, and fraternal love, right before bursting out in teary eyed laughter. Tupac continued “You know, we’re happy to have DJ AM coming out here.When Michael Jackson decided it was his in his best interest to make that big move out there, we knew a lot of younger guys and girls, still in their prime would start flooding the gates. A lot of pressure is put on celebrities. You know they wanted MJ to do 50 shows for 200 million dollars? That’s only 4 million a show!”  NYCIYA was not allowed an interview with MJ but his officials released this statement to the press: “Mr.Jackson isn’t yet ready to be in the public eye. To answer some of your more pressing questions: The disappearance of local village boys is not related to his arrival, regardless of what the numbers are saying, the spike of missing children reports are completely unrelated. Remember people, he was acquitted.”

NYCIYA spent a few hours with the head of promotion and marketing for Celebrity Island for a more in dept look into C.I.:

“Hi, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR CELEBRITY ISLAND” said Billy Mays, Celebrity Islands newest addition to the marketing team. “And I’m here to tell you about an amazing refuge, located in a secluded island in the tropics! Celebrities are welcome to this tropical island to spend the rest of their lives rubbing shoulders with some of the worlds allstars, performing for the well known and well to do. We have Bruce Lee teaching martial arts, Les Paul teaching guitar, We’ve got Farah Fawcett and David Carradine, Walter Concrite, and Ed McMahon and many many many more!”

We spoke briefly to DJ AM on the phone this morning and he had this to say; “I’m glad to be here. I’m just getting settled in and I’m looking forward to my stay.” DJ AM let out a brief, but telling sigh, then continued “You know, to be honest. I thought this place was just a dream, like the whole thing was brought on by a drug induced coma, and now I’m just going to fade into black. huh, weird.”

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11 responses to “Celebrity Island Completes Staff Roster with Newly Acquired DJ AM

  1. morbidly hilarious my friend! 🙂

    News flash…Senator Ted Kennedy decides it’s in the best interest of the island to nominate himself island pilot, as he mocks fellow island dweller, brother John’s, poorly acquired flying skills.

  2. I’ve heard of this place before. I didn’t know they’ve finally opened! All in great timing too. My quest for the perfect timeshare has finally drawn to a conclusion… Can someone let me borrow their brochure?

  3. That last line = gold.

  4. Hahaha. Morbid Hillarity!

    All in all this is the truth.

  5. Bruce Lee, Les Paul & David Carradine you say? I’m sold, Mr. Mays.

  6. Billy Mays incorporation is genius.

  7. they got Billy Mays to do marketing?? this place is going to blow up soon. Seriously, I bought the OrangeGlow (I think that’s what it was called) when I was 11 because of him…imagine what millionaire celebrities would do after one of Billy Mays’ pitches for a celeb island condo?

  8. apparently I have a personal chef who’s looking for a timeshare. PERFECT!! Pass on the info. This is great!!

  9. Lulz only missing a ton of 9/11 jokes. uh uhhhhh. Too soon. lulzlulz

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