Oh, The People You Will Meet…On Twitter

I’ve began to realize that the majority of people adding me on Twitter, well, aren’t people at all. They are Bots. Whether they be controlled by big marketing companies, or individuals looking to spread a message, Twitter has been flooded by them. Here are some of examples of the ones who have added me:

There’s The Niche Marketing Bot

Sure, the Muslim Community may be fast-growing but what does that have to do with me? I’m going to assume they’re not ready for my brand of pulpy sarcasm (assholishness) but then again I’m a believer in the philosophy that everyone and everything will eventually degrade into a porny, mud covered,  Dystopia of an orgy,  so maybe I’ll just hang in there (there might be a book deal in it for me.) The truth of the matter is everyone has the right to Viral Marketing via Social Media websites. Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and sites alike have been so flooded by marketing companies it’s hard to remember what purpose they really serve. I think at one time or another they were used for Casual Encounters (m4m, w4w. That kinda stuff.)

There’s The Public Service Announcement Bot


I imagine there are Public Service Announcement twitters out there that are helpful, sure. Like a local weather twitter, or something. Then there’s this little gem. The two purposes SwineFluPanic serves are reporting new cases of swine flu and making me shit my pants and never want to leave my apartment. The cool thing about hypochondriacs is we’re all about a self-sustained lifestyle. Since noone else will validate our over-catious paranoia, we do it for eachother. And SwineFluPanic is just another great example of the “for hypochondriacs by hypochondriacs” mentality.

There’s The Porn Bot

As if you didn’t see this coming. The internet is so flooded with porn you can’t do an image search on  google  for a girls name without getting back a page full of tits and ass in your search results. Well, that’s with the safe-mode turned off. And chances are if  safe-mode is turned off you’re probably looking for porn. So yeah, Porn has wiggled its way onto the Twitter scene and hey, I don’t see what’s inappropriate about that. Of course, that is only considering the fact that most advertising is shoved down your throat, so there really is no reason to stop porn from doing the same thing. And the best part about porn is you usually get to watch someone get something shoved down their throat, too!

This last example remains a total enigma to me. For one, let me just say it is not a bot, or at least I would like to believe so.
The Lone Wolf

In a world where every company has a marketing agent, The Lone Wolf stands alone. Perhaps James Kerendian payed someone locally (Jamaica, NYC) to help him get the word out. Build him a website(btw check out the babe laid out on the mattress at the bottom) but I’d like to believe the lone wolf stayed up late one night, hopped up on Five-Hour Energy Drinks, frantically trying to think of a way to raise his sinking ship of a furniture business…when suddenly he had the bright idea to market himself on the great wide interwebs! No age or culture barrier could hold the Lone Wolf back from getting a twitter (and perhaps even a facebook!) and once and for all he would prevail over all furniture stores in Jamaica, Queens… Perhaps even all furniture stores in Queens!! This is the kind of thing I signed up on Twitter for. Real people. Tonight, I raise my glass to you, local furniture store guy.

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One response to “Oh, The People You Will Meet…On Twitter

  1. This is great. I love the Lone Wolf. I’m thinking next time I’m in Queens I’ve got to stop by this store.

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